


roll for... i dont care anymore

by whichlights



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dialogue Heavy, Dungeons & Dragons, F/M, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Mostly Gen, me who just learned how to play dnd: :3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 20:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12801978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: Just a good ol' fashioned game of Dungeons and Dragons.





	roll for... i dont care anymore

**Author's Note:**

> i changed a few of the familial relationships for this fic so it would make more sense in this setting? firestar is now jay/lion/holly's cousin, not their grandfather. 
> 
> firestar, sandstorm, and graystripe are all early/mid 20s, the others are late teens
> 
> yes, they have human names but they tend to refer to each other by their cat/character names bc uh *throws glitter into the air and runs*

"This is my character, he can see," Jay huffed.

"Well, at least no one can accuse you of self inserting." Holly rolled her eyes.

"He's an elf cleric and he heals things, I guess. Blaze helped me make him."

Blaze shrugged. "Thanks."

"He has a  _nineteen_ on strength, and he's the only one that hates it."

"Thanks Jay. Okay, Firestar, this is my character. He's a human barbarian, and I love him."

"You all insist on calling me Firestar because of that one character I made  _one time_ -"

"Aw, it's okay Firestar."

"Thanks,  _Graystripe_."

"Is that seriously what he named his character this time?" Jay snorted. 

"Ok, no one's laughing at Jay Wing!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Leave Graystripe alone. He's a bard."

"Of course he's a bard." Sandy laughed. 

"Well, my character is a warlock, and she- hey, wait, Firestar, you're DM-ing, right?" Holly looked at him.

"That is correct."

"I know he's not here right now, but can my character be dating Fallen Leaves?"

"Is Fallen Leaves your boyfriend's character?"

"Yes."

"Sure, why the hell not?"

"Okay, so we have Jay Wing, Graystripe, Sandstripe-"

"Self insert," Firestar coughed.

Sandy glared at him. "Blaze's character Lion, and Holly's character... Holly."

"I'm sorry, it's my first time!"

"Wait, what's your character?" Jay asked. 

Sandy grinned. "She's a rogue."

"Oh, this is going to be a disaster," Firestar groaned. 

\---

"You approach a road. It's dark, and you can't tell if it's safe to cross."

"I roll for... perception? Shit, I rolled a 5."

"You didn't see the carriage coming, and you get run over by a horse. You live, but your leg and your pride are in shambles."

\---

"You approach a city, and you see a lovely water princess-"

"I roll to make the water princess fall in love with me."

"You mother-"

"Hah! Ten!"

"You and the water princess have kids, but now she's dead. Are you happy now?"

"Not particularly?"

\---

"Sandstorm and Graystripe want to go on their own adventure."

"I'm sorry, what? A rogue and a bard, off on their own? That's a recipe for disaster. No, you're not leaving the party."

"We roll to leave the party."

"You can do it if you get a twenty."

"Twenty!"

"Sandstorm and Graystripe leave the party, I guess."

\---

"I want to learn how to fight!"

"Seriously, Jay? You- okay, fine, whatever. I don't care about the rules at this point, just... okay, roll for it."

"A two."

"You trip and fall on your own sword. Lion is laughing at you."

\---

"Fallen Leaves wants to explore the tunnels."

"No, you want to explore the tunnels. After I have made them as unattractive as possible. Don't you want to go play with that plotpoint everyone  _else_ is having fun with?"

"I want to explore the tunnels."

"Fine! Roll."

"I rolled a one."

"You die in the tunnels. I hope you're happy now."

\---

"We're coming back to the party, with all our cool loot!"

"Will the party accept you after you've been gone for so long?"

"Yah."

"I'm down with it."

"Welcome back."

"I'm dead."

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

\---

"Dragon."

"It's going to fucking kill you."

"Dragon."

"Roll for it."

"I roll to befriend dragon. Ha! Twenty!"

"Great. Holly made a new friend. It's a murder thing that follows her around now."

\---

"What's in Jay Wing's pack, by the way?"

"Uh, some money, armor, a dagger- everything else got stolen -and my stick."

"Your stick. The stick you found five minutes into the game that wasn't important, but you made it important through a series of high rolls, and now you won't let go of it? That stick?"

"Yes."

"I roll to break it."

"You rolled a one. You fail, and I hit you in the head with it."

"Dammit."

"Who's the Dungeon Master here?"

"You are."

"Leave the rolling and story telling to me."

\---

"Hey, why is Holly's boyfriend still here if his character is dead?"

"He's going to play as my character while I go order pizza for us. Also I love him."

"Alright then."

\---

"Can I DM?"

"Sand, just 'cause your character died doesn't mean you can take my place as DM... how about co-DM?"

"Can they do that?"

"I'm the DM, what I say goes. Sandy is my co-DM now."

"Can I co-DM too? You know, power couple? Trio? Power polyamorous negotiation?"

"Power triad, I think? Anyways, you can co-DM with us when Graystripe dies."

 

"Deal."

\---

"Whatever happened to those kids I fathered with the water princess?"

"One's dead and the other lives in the mountains now."

"Wow."

\---

"A tree falls on you."

"Why?"

"It just does."

"Alright, I roll to lift it."

"Ha, as if- holy shit, eighteen. Okay, um, Lion lifts the tree."

\---

"The enemy warrior rolls to attack. You take 5 damage."

"Dammit. Alright, Holly's dead."

"Wait, really? She died? She had the highest dexterity out of all of us. How the fuck did she die?"

"Bullshit, that's how."

\---

"Seeing how only three of us are still alive, and one of us who is still alive has been trying to die so he can co-DM with you, should we call this all off?"

"I can't believe my entire party is fucking dead."

"No, only, three of us are-"

"An avalanche falls on you. Roll twenties to survive."

"Ten."

"Thirteen."

"...three."

"Alright, you're all dead now. Game over."

"Aw, but now I can't co-DM."

"Next time you can DM, okay?"

"Thank you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is witchlightsands thanks im a disaster


End file.
